My name is 37. No last name or middle name, only 37. Strange ? How come
someone's name is a number ? Perhaps. I myself didn't remember since
when someone called me that. Since I can remember, my parents always
called me 37. They always said, “ You are useless and pathetic,37!
You'll never be a 100 ! How come I gave birth to a child like you? Look
at your cousin,62. 62 is a very smart and kind child. Why can't you be
like him? You are a disappointment !”
The same thing also happened at school, all my friends and teachers called me 37.
My name is 37. I don't like that name,but everyone called me that.
Everyone decided that that is my name. I tried to be a better person,
study more,wore a better clothes. Perhaps now they will call me
differently. Maybe they'll call me 63 or at least 45. But alas, nobody
cares. My parents rolled their eyes and said,” You are 37 and forever
will be 37. There's no way you can be a better person. Just get used to
it!”.
My name is 37. Everyone decided that that is my name. I don't like that
name, but there's nothing I can do about it. Beside, I'm not the only
one.
There is 92. Well, actually 92 is not his real name. He called himself
92, but we called him 22. Of course, we never called him that in his
face. He usually got angry and punched anyone who called him that. He
may arrogantly called himself 92,but we all knew the truth. We may
smiled in front of him,but behind him we made fun of his name,his real
name.
And there is 88. Like 92, 88 is not his real name. Actually, 88 is his
father's name. No one knew his real name,and neither did he. From the
time he can speak, people around him called him 88. They called him with
respect, they treated him with respect,because his father's name is 88.
They called him 88 out of respect for his father. He might be happy
with that, but for me it's kinda sad. He didn't know his real name and
maybe he'll never know.
But the weirdest name of all is 13. Not because his name is 13, but
because he doesn't seem to care about that. His name is the worst, but
he didn't seem to mind when someone made fun of that. Once, I asked him
why he acted like that.
“ How come you never get sad or angry? We called you the worst name of
all, yet you just brushed it off as if it's nothing. Don't you care
about what we called you?”
“ Why should I? You all can call me anything you want, and I won't care a bit. Why....I know my real name. My real name is 100!”
“ Are you kidding me? No one's name is 100! You don't even look like a 100. Who called you that? Who gave you that name?”
“ You don't know HIM. HE came to me and told me that i”m not 13. HE told me that my real name is 100, and I believe HIM.”
“ Why? Why do you believe HIM ?”
“ Because HE died for me, to show me that I'm worthy of that name, that I'm a 100.”
“ But you don't seem like a 100,” I protested .
Chuckled, he answered, “ I know. It will take time for me to be a real
100. You know, when Michelangelo sculpts a statue, he doesn't shape a
stone into a statue. He believed that the statue itself is already in
that stone. What he need to do is chisel away the unnecessary part. It's
the same for me. When I believe HIM, I'm a 100! What I need to do is
chisel away the bad part bit by bit until the real 100 surfaced.”
Weird logic, but somehow I can understand that. I let people
around me to decide my name, to decide what I'm gonna be, to shape my
self and my future, to decide who I really am. I let this world sculpted
me as they wished. But, 13 is different. He doesn't let this world
decide who he is. He told me, he doesn't care what people called him. He
open his ear and listened only for 2 person, a person he loves and a
person he respects. Other that that, whether he's being called king or
beggar, he doesn't care. For him, the Person who died for him and called
him 100 is the one he really listened. HIS words weights more than
everyone else.
I asked him, who is the name of a Person who called him 100. And he answered, “ Jesus”.
Maybe I'll let HIM called me 100,too.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Cinderella Is Apprehended By Police !!
Headline News today : “Cinderella is apprehended by police for child
abuse. She is proven guilty and will serve her time in prison for 10
years. Her husband said that Cinderella's mental state was unstable and
bordering in insanity. She drove away her husband from their home for no
specific reasons. Her husband suspected it was because of another man.
Her stepmother testified and confirmed that Cinderella is in fact
trouble maker in her family. The baby itself is safe and is in Social
Department's custody”.
Cinderella lost her mother when she was 7 years old and her father, a traveling salesman, decided to remarried so Cinderella can have someone to take care of her. He married a widow with 2 children of her own and after marriage they moved to his home. At first, Cinderella is really happy to have a new mother. She was too young when her mother passed away and never knew what mother's love really is. She promised herself to be a good daughter and obeyed whatever wish her mother has. What Cinderella didn't know was that her stepmother married his father for money and has no intention to love Cinderella. Before long, her stepmother worked Cinderella like a slave.
Cinderella is not that stupid to know that there is something wrong. Her stepsister lived like a princess and yet she's been treated worse than their cat. And, pure as a child, she asked her mother,
“ Mother, why don't you love me? Am I not one of your daughter? Did I do something to make you that angry? “
“ My daughter?”, her stepmother scoffed.
“ I only have two daughter and you obviously not one of them. Loving you? I don't even want to see your face. You are nothing but a hindrance to me. We don't want you, your father and I and my daughter will do just fine as a family without you. We would be better off if you never born in the first place.”
Poor Cinderella, alone in this world with no one to love her. And that realization sunk deep into her mind.
While her stepsister went to school, Cinderella stayed at home. While her stepsister have fun with their friends, Cinderella spent his time washing their clothes. But that's okay, Cinderella already get used to it. But when her stepsister brought their friends home, Cinderella found herself staring at the floor, unable to look up. She's afraid,afraid of their eyes,especially the boy's eyes. Eyes that took pity on her, eyes that looked down on her. Like most teenager, Cinderella dreamed of love. Dream of chatting with boys, of love letter and secret crush, of staring lovingly at each other. But right now, Cinderella was afraid to look them in the eyes. For not love, but pity...and maybe disgust showed in their eyes.
Poor Cinderella, her first love and self worth died before it even have a chance to bloom.
The day has come ! The D-Day ! The day when someone can be princess for life. The day when the prince chose his future wife and queen. The day that waited eagerly by thousand of young maiden in this kingdom.
But not Cinderella, not her. Cinderella gazed dreamily at her stepsister's dress, but dare not to touch it. Not because her stepmother warned her sternly not to touch it, but because she thought it was to beautiful for her. No, not even for a second, Cinderella wished to wear it. Staring at the mirror, Cinderella knew, the Dance in the palace is not her place.
And so, Cinderella hid herself in the kitchen while her stepsister tried to seduce the prince.
Poor Cinderella, no one told Cinderella that she is beautiful. So beautiful that the prince will have a hard time not to look at her, to let her go by midnight. So beautiful that she can make the prince knelt and put her shoes on.
The day went by, all the ruckus has died. The prince has found his maiden and all the other maiden came home empty handed. But not for Cinderella, she's getting married. Not with the prince of course, but with the man in her village. Her stepmother was the one who chose her husband. Evil stepmother as she is, she chose not a good husband. That young man known for his bad temper,irresponsibility and adultery. In short, a-good-for-nothing man. But Cinderella didn't care, she's happy enough that someone want her, no matter what kind of person he is. She's grateful even, that someone wanted to marry her.
Poor Cinderella, her loneliness and self worth is so low,she would accept anyone just so she's not alone anymore.
As expected, her husband treated her bad. But Cinderella kept her patient and hoped everything will be alright. Beside,she's pregnant !
“ I will be a good mother for you, I will love you always. You'll bring me and your father happiness. When you born, your father will stop going at night and we'll dine like a family. He will love me and I'll love you”.
Poor Cinderella, she made a promise she can't kept and put her hope in wrong person.
Cinderella gave birth to a daughter, and for awhile her whole world looked bright. This child will unite her and her husband and they will be family. Unknowingly for her, in the corner of her room, her husband nervously biting his own fingernail. He's not ready for it, a child is too big a responsibility for him, he didn't sign up for this. Cinderella's stepmother paid him to marry Cinderella and get her out of her house. But she didn't say anything about taking care of a child. His fear of responsibility compel him to make a decision, a decision that will destroy Cinderella.
When Cinderella back from hospital, she found her house wide open. All things valuable,or at least can be sold, has disappeared. Half of her closet was empty and her saving nowhere to be found. Her neighbor whispering among themselves and Cinderella heard some of the words. “ Running away...another woman...poor girl...worst husband...bad luck...”. And her world her dream her hope broke down.
But this time, Cinderella didn't blame herself, her anger too great for that. Anger that she kept bottling in herself from her childhood. That anger demanded to be released, and Cinderella knew how to. She doesn't know how to love, her stepmother never taught her that. But she knew how to release her anger, her stepmother and stepsister did that to her all the time.
And Cinderella saw her baby, the daughter that was her hope. Her hope for a family, a daughter she hoped will bring back her husband but instead made him ran away. If this child never born,at least her husband will still be home. This child is not needed, a worthless child, a cursed child. And slowly, her finger wrapped around the baby's neck.................
As a child, we grew up and shaped ourselves based on what our closest person told us, which is our family. They are our mirror, we look upon ourselves as they see us. Some of us have a good and clear mirror, a family who told us that we are worthy of their love and attention,who told us that God has great purpose for each of us.
But for some of us, like Cinderella, we were born with dysfunctional family where our self worth is next to nothing. Cinderellas in real life have no chance at all to fulfill their destiny. They have no “ Fairy Godmother” who will tell them that they are loved,needed, and their birth is not an accident but for a purpose. A “ Fairy Godmother” who died to show them that they are loved. In short, they haven't met Jesus!
If Cinderella ever met “Fairy Godmother”, she can choose. She can choose to listen to her “Stepmother” and end up in jail, or she can choose to listen to “ Fairy Godmother”,went to the Ball and live happily ever after. We can choose to believe this world, that we're worth nothing, that we're mere higher organism with no purpose and whether we live or die meant nothing. Or we can choose to believe Jesus, that we are so precious,even more than HIS life. That our life meant something for this world.
Cinderella lost her mother when she was 7 years old and her father, a traveling salesman, decided to remarried so Cinderella can have someone to take care of her. He married a widow with 2 children of her own and after marriage they moved to his home. At first, Cinderella is really happy to have a new mother. She was too young when her mother passed away and never knew what mother's love really is. She promised herself to be a good daughter and obeyed whatever wish her mother has. What Cinderella didn't know was that her stepmother married his father for money and has no intention to love Cinderella. Before long, her stepmother worked Cinderella like a slave.
Cinderella is not that stupid to know that there is something wrong. Her stepsister lived like a princess and yet she's been treated worse than their cat. And, pure as a child, she asked her mother,
“ Mother, why don't you love me? Am I not one of your daughter? Did I do something to make you that angry? “
“ My daughter?”, her stepmother scoffed.
“ I only have two daughter and you obviously not one of them. Loving you? I don't even want to see your face. You are nothing but a hindrance to me. We don't want you, your father and I and my daughter will do just fine as a family without you. We would be better off if you never born in the first place.”
Poor Cinderella, alone in this world with no one to love her. And that realization sunk deep into her mind.
While her stepsister went to school, Cinderella stayed at home. While her stepsister have fun with their friends, Cinderella spent his time washing their clothes. But that's okay, Cinderella already get used to it. But when her stepsister brought their friends home, Cinderella found herself staring at the floor, unable to look up. She's afraid,afraid of their eyes,especially the boy's eyes. Eyes that took pity on her, eyes that looked down on her. Like most teenager, Cinderella dreamed of love. Dream of chatting with boys, of love letter and secret crush, of staring lovingly at each other. But right now, Cinderella was afraid to look them in the eyes. For not love, but pity...and maybe disgust showed in their eyes.
Poor Cinderella, her first love and self worth died before it even have a chance to bloom.
The day has come ! The D-Day ! The day when someone can be princess for life. The day when the prince chose his future wife and queen. The day that waited eagerly by thousand of young maiden in this kingdom.
But not Cinderella, not her. Cinderella gazed dreamily at her stepsister's dress, but dare not to touch it. Not because her stepmother warned her sternly not to touch it, but because she thought it was to beautiful for her. No, not even for a second, Cinderella wished to wear it. Staring at the mirror, Cinderella knew, the Dance in the palace is not her place.
And so, Cinderella hid herself in the kitchen while her stepsister tried to seduce the prince.
Poor Cinderella, no one told Cinderella that she is beautiful. So beautiful that the prince will have a hard time not to look at her, to let her go by midnight. So beautiful that she can make the prince knelt and put her shoes on.
The day went by, all the ruckus has died. The prince has found his maiden and all the other maiden came home empty handed. But not for Cinderella, she's getting married. Not with the prince of course, but with the man in her village. Her stepmother was the one who chose her husband. Evil stepmother as she is, she chose not a good husband. That young man known for his bad temper,irresponsibility and adultery. In short, a-good-for-nothing man. But Cinderella didn't care, she's happy enough that someone want her, no matter what kind of person he is. She's grateful even, that someone wanted to marry her.
Poor Cinderella, her loneliness and self worth is so low,she would accept anyone just so she's not alone anymore.
As expected, her husband treated her bad. But Cinderella kept her patient and hoped everything will be alright. Beside,she's pregnant !
“ I will be a good mother for you, I will love you always. You'll bring me and your father happiness. When you born, your father will stop going at night and we'll dine like a family. He will love me and I'll love you”.
Poor Cinderella, she made a promise she can't kept and put her hope in wrong person.
Cinderella gave birth to a daughter, and for awhile her whole world looked bright. This child will unite her and her husband and they will be family. Unknowingly for her, in the corner of her room, her husband nervously biting his own fingernail. He's not ready for it, a child is too big a responsibility for him, he didn't sign up for this. Cinderella's stepmother paid him to marry Cinderella and get her out of her house. But she didn't say anything about taking care of a child. His fear of responsibility compel him to make a decision, a decision that will destroy Cinderella.
When Cinderella back from hospital, she found her house wide open. All things valuable,or at least can be sold, has disappeared. Half of her closet was empty and her saving nowhere to be found. Her neighbor whispering among themselves and Cinderella heard some of the words. “ Running away...another woman...poor girl...worst husband...bad luck...”. And her world her dream her hope broke down.
But this time, Cinderella didn't blame herself, her anger too great for that. Anger that she kept bottling in herself from her childhood. That anger demanded to be released, and Cinderella knew how to. She doesn't know how to love, her stepmother never taught her that. But she knew how to release her anger, her stepmother and stepsister did that to her all the time.
And Cinderella saw her baby, the daughter that was her hope. Her hope for a family, a daughter she hoped will bring back her husband but instead made him ran away. If this child never born,at least her husband will still be home. This child is not needed, a worthless child, a cursed child. And slowly, her finger wrapped around the baby's neck.................
As a child, we grew up and shaped ourselves based on what our closest person told us, which is our family. They are our mirror, we look upon ourselves as they see us. Some of us have a good and clear mirror, a family who told us that we are worthy of their love and attention,who told us that God has great purpose for each of us.
But for some of us, like Cinderella, we were born with dysfunctional family where our self worth is next to nothing. Cinderellas in real life have no chance at all to fulfill their destiny. They have no “ Fairy Godmother” who will tell them that they are loved,needed, and their birth is not an accident but for a purpose. A “ Fairy Godmother” who died to show them that they are loved. In short, they haven't met Jesus!
If Cinderella ever met “Fairy Godmother”, she can choose. She can choose to listen to her “Stepmother” and end up in jail, or she can choose to listen to “ Fairy Godmother”,went to the Ball and live happily ever after. We can choose to believe this world, that we're worth nothing, that we're mere higher organism with no purpose and whether we live or die meant nothing. Or we can choose to believe Jesus, that we are so precious,even more than HIS life. That our life meant something for this world.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Band-Aid on God's Finger
I saw many doors in front of me
Large, small, iron, wood, plain looking, adored with many ornaments
Each opened to new possibilities and future
And I saw many men and women beside me
Each went and walked through the door of their own choice
To the place where they belong
And I stood there, not knowing what to do
Which one is my door?
Or, do I even have a door ?
Is there a place I can go? Should go ?
Look...there is a half opened door
Perhaps that is my door?
I got closer...
But..it is a large and wonderful looking door
That can't be mine
It must be someone else's door
I searched for my own door
A small one
A plain looking one
Perhaps in the farthest and lowest corner
I walked back and forth from corner to corner
But each time my eyes wandered to that wonderful door
And each time I found myself asking the same question
What kind of future will it be behind that door?
And, can it be mine?
“ Not a chance, it can't be mine !”
“ It's too good to be true ! “
“ There's no way that door opened for someone like me ! !“
I grimace, an invisible hand gripped my heart
I longed for that door
But it can't possibly mine
If I never saw that door....
If that door never exist...
If that door was closed in the first place....
SLAM!!!
I closed that door shut !
….ouch.......
Hmm? Did I hear something ?
Maybe it just my imagination
I sat down
Put my head between my knee
Tried to block every voice in my mind
And sob..
Someone put his hand on my shoulder
I turned to see
And I saw a hand with band-aid wrapped on its finger
A band-aid with Peanuts character printed on it
I looked up, and saw Jesus' worried face
“ Are you alright ?”, He asked
“ God, what happened with Your finger? Who has done this to You ?”
Jesus smiled
“ It doesn't matter..”
But I kept asking
“ I got my finger hit by the door”, He finally answered
“ You see, I was waiting behind a door for someone.
I left that door half opened so that person knew I was waiting behind it
But that person didn't came through the door.
So I want to open wide that door and called him in.
But at the same time, someone slammed that door shut and My finger got caught.”
“ I kept waiting but that person never came.
That's why I came here, to pick him up”
He take my hand and pulled me off the ground, smiled and said
“ Will you go through that door with Me ? “
Large, small, iron, wood, plain looking, adored with many ornaments
Each opened to new possibilities and future
And I saw many men and women beside me
Each went and walked through the door of their own choice
To the place where they belong
And I stood there, not knowing what to do
Which one is my door?
Or, do I even have a door ?
Is there a place I can go? Should go ?
Look...there is a half opened door
Perhaps that is my door?
I got closer...
But..it is a large and wonderful looking door
That can't be mine
It must be someone else's door
I searched for my own door
A small one
A plain looking one
Perhaps in the farthest and lowest corner
I walked back and forth from corner to corner
But each time my eyes wandered to that wonderful door
And each time I found myself asking the same question
What kind of future will it be behind that door?
And, can it be mine?
“ Not a chance, it can't be mine !”
“ It's too good to be true ! “
“ There's no way that door opened for someone like me ! !“
I grimace, an invisible hand gripped my heart
I longed for that door
But it can't possibly mine
If I never saw that door....
If that door never exist...
If that door was closed in the first place....
SLAM!!!
I closed that door shut !
….ouch.......
Hmm? Did I hear something ?
Maybe it just my imagination
I sat down
Put my head between my knee
Tried to block every voice in my mind
And sob..
Someone put his hand on my shoulder
I turned to see
And I saw a hand with band-aid wrapped on its finger
A band-aid with Peanuts character printed on it
I looked up, and saw Jesus' worried face
“ Are you alright ?”, He asked
“ God, what happened with Your finger? Who has done this to You ?”
Jesus smiled
“ It doesn't matter..”
But I kept asking
“ I got my finger hit by the door”, He finally answered
“ You see, I was waiting behind a door for someone.
I left that door half opened so that person knew I was waiting behind it
But that person didn't came through the door.
So I want to open wide that door and called him in.
But at the same time, someone slammed that door shut and My finger got caught.”
“ I kept waiting but that person never came.
That's why I came here, to pick him up”
He take my hand and pulled me off the ground, smiled and said
“ Will you go through that door with Me ? “
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